Great Land of Alaska

You Might Be a Fisherman if...

  1. The only reason you own a truck is to get your boat from one river/lake to another.
  2. You know the underwater terrain of your favorite fishing hole like the back of your hand, but forget where the bathroom is in your own house.
  3. You complain that it's too much work to carry the groceries in from the truck, yet have no problem hiking five miles through rough terrain while carrying a GPS, cooler, two fishing rods, tackle box, portable radio, folding chair, and six-pack of beer.
  4. There are seven inches to a foot and five ounces to a pound.
  5. You refuse to do any outside work around home because it's lightly sprinkling, but you're more than happy to stand on the shore for six hours in a downpour that's so bad you almost need scuba gear.
  6. You forget your anniversary every year, but have no problem remembering to renew your fishing license.
  7. It's next to impossible to wake up for work before 8:00 AM during the week, but on the weekend you're on your way to the lake by 6:00 AM.
  8. Rather than admit a bad day fishing, you sneak to the store on your way home and purchase the largest filets you can afford.
  9. The fish aren't taking your bait, and you take it personally.
  10. You've been driving on bald tires for the past two years because you can't afford the $200 for new ones, but have no problem spending $500 on a new rod, reel, fish finder, and enough lures to open your own sporting goods store.
  11. If you're scheduled to work on January 1st, you take the morning off not because you're hung over but because the first thing you want to do is renew your fishing license.
  12. If the only parking space you can find is over 100 feet away from the store you complain about having to walk so far, yet you think nothing of hiking 4 miles to your favorite fishing hole.
  13. You think that "fly fishing vs. spin casting" is one of the greatest debates of the century.
  14. You prefer to fish alone so no one can testify against your story of catching and releasing a 98-pound chinook.
  15. You brag about how much money you've saved since all the fish you caught this summer would have cost you $300 if bought from the store. However, the fishing equipment to get that $300 worth of fish cost you $600.
  16. You turn in your resignation at work and move to another town to look for work not because there is more/better work there, but because it's closer to prime fishing areas.
  17. You spent your honeymoon at the Russian River - alone.
  18. At work, you put up pictures of your 98-pound chinook instead of your wife and children.
  19. You have your own personalized parking space at the Russian River.
  20. You see an attractive woman in a bikini, and picture her wearing a pair of hip waders and fishing vest and holding a fly rod. This one was submitted to Chad Carpenter, author of the Tundra Comic strip, and was made into a cartoon and published: View the strip
  21. April 15 is an important date to you, not because taxes are due, but because that's when the new fishing regulations books come out.
  22. You know the Latin names of every Alaskan sport fish and the Latin names of every bug or fish they eat, but you forget the names of your wife and children.
  23. You can identify a Chum, Pink, King, Red, Silver, or Steelhead from 100 yards away, but can't tell your two children apart.
  24. You can spot a trout in 7-foot-deep choppy waters on a dark, cloudy day, but can't find the tool sitting on your workbench right in front of you.
  25. Your wife is feeling frisky, but you don't know what she means until she explains that she wants to spawn.
  26. Some people are addicted to 1-900 phone sex lines; you're addicted to 1-900-BIG-FISH.
  27. You recycle your old lures by making them into jewelry for your wife.
  28. Your rods, reels, tackle, nets, and other fishing equipment constitute more than half of all your personal belongings.
  29. You buy all your clothes from discount second-hand stores (i.e. Salvation Army, et. al) so you'll be able to spend more on fishing equipment.
  30. You have an insurance policy on your fly rod.
  31. You have "tennis elbow", but you've never played tennis.
  32. You know the Naknek twitch is an illegal fishing technique, not a neck muscle spasm.
  33. When you talk about "Lakers", you're not referring to the Los Angeles basketball team.
  34. When you talk about "Reds", you're not referring to the Cincinnati baseball team.
  35. When your daughter asks "Can I have a new dolly?" you catch her a fish.
  36. You know your wife is having an affair, but you don't say anything because you know it means she looks forward to you leaving for your weekend fishing trips.
  37. You're personally responsible for keeping the local sporting good store from going out of business.
  38. When you talk about "drifters", you're not talking about wandering hobos.
  39. You teach your kids to tie their shoelaces with a Palomar knot.
  40. You've put more miles on your boat than your truck.

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